A Bend in the Road

Recently, I was gifted a book titled When Your World Falls Apart by the encouragement team at Shades Mountain Baptist Church. Now, since the beginning of my diagnosis, I have received a numerous amount of books on how to get through the pain and navigate life when a bump is put in your road, and sadly I haven’t been able to read them all. I think I have been gifted around twenty or so books, so I it will take me a while to get through them all. But this one book in particular is by a man named Dr. David Jeremiah, and the way he started this book out in the first chapter completely caught me off guard. He started it with a poem. It read as follows:

            “Sometimes we come to life’s crossroads

            And we view what we think is the end.

            But God has a much wider vision

            And He knows that it’s only a bend—

The road will go on and get smoother

And after we’ve stopped for a rest,

The path that lies hidden beyond us

Is often the path that is best.

So rest and relax and grow stronger,

Let go and let God share your load

And have faith in a brighter tomorrow.

You’ve just come to a bend in the road.”

A bend in the road. I had never thought of it like that. He actually titles the first chapter “A Bend in the Road” and goes on to tell of his story in the first chapter and throughout the rest of the book.

How many times have we thought that a moment was going to be an “end-all” type of moment? The moment that when it is over, your life would cease to exist? I know I’ve had my fair share of those types of moments. As a kid, I was pretty sure my life was going to end after I had to tell my parents that I had cheated on an English test in seventh grade. (The kicker in that story was that the teacher had already been in contact with my dad about it, so that didn’t help my case at all when I got home.) In that moment, I could not envision what was going to happen after telling him what I had done. I couldn’t see past that point in time into the future and how it might play out. I was only focused on what was going to happen that night and how many whippings I was going to receive (By the way, it was five to be exact. I still remember to this day.)

That is how people think though, and there is nothing wrong with that because it is perfectly normal to worry about what it going to happen right here and now. You don’t have time to think about what will eventually happen, because you’re so focused on the moment here and now. Even if you do think about the future, how many thoughts of the future would be negative ones or ones that nothing would ever get better?

When my parents told me that the doctors thought it was lymphoma, I had that “end-all” moment. The chaos that my mind was in literally started hurting my head. I was wondering about how I would have to drop out of school, stay at home and do nothing, and whether I would become depressed. Those were seriously my thoughts. I never thought about how it was only temporary one way or another, or how I could use this to impact other people. Words couldn’t even describe what was happening in my mind and how fast it was racing.

But this all changed in a few days.

A few days after the diagnosis I came to my senses, looked past that invisible barrier that kept me from thinking positively of my situation, and I realized that this isn’t my end-all moment. I wasn’t going to let this ruin my life. Positive thinking brings about positive change, so I started talking to myself instead of allowing myself to talk to me, and it brought great peace to me to know that this was God’s will. God has placed this in my life for a reason and I want to find that reason. I’ve found multiple reasons as to why he has placed this struggle in my life, but I know there are ample more out there waiting for me to find and to take advantage of.

We must realize these “end-all” moments are just bends in our roads.

Imagine two roads: The first is a straight road with no bends or curves. It is just a road that goes straight for miles. The scenery off to the side is the same for the entire length of the road. But, on the second road, the road bends and curves throughout. Even some potholes are found on it. The scenery is constantly changing because of the bends in the road which allows different points of view on things.

The roads are our lives and the bends are struggles we go through. Because of struggles, our lives are constantly changing. I will not be the same after lymphoma because what I have experienced and what I will experience. Experiences shape us into who we are, and God is never done morphing and shifting us into the person we’re meant to be. God uses these struggles to advance His kingdom, in His way, and in His time.

Life won’t always be perfect. Your road won’t be straight, so take the bends as they come and take them as a blessing, because, in the end you’re still living.

Living with lymphoma has its ups and downs. The downs are obvious: the harmful effects of chemotherapy, the constant state of fatigue, and the numerous restrictions on my daily life. The ups aren’t as obvious to people, but they are there. Per doctor’s orders, I wear a mask anywhere I go in public. Whether that be a quick trip into the grocery store or even a simple get together at someone’s house, there is still the potential for me to get sick. Sometimes I get stares in public and I know it is because of the mask, but most of the time people know something is up with me. And even sometimes people ask me, “So, why the mask?” and I get to explain to them my diagnosis. People are so caught back by when I say I have cancer that they feel bad and start apologizing. This is a great opportunity for me to use what God has given to me to advance His kingdom. I’m taking what God has blessed me with and making the most of it.

I’m taking my end-all moment and turning it into a bend in my road.

People say struggles hurt. They aren’t wrong, but the hurt is temporary. The end result is much more worth it. The struggles turn into bends. And bends make life so much more beautiful.

“If we only see the problems, we will be defeated; but if we see the possibilities in the problems, we can have victory.”

            -Warren Wiersbe