My Journey So Far

A new journey. A journey no one should have to endure yet thousands do every day. A journey where every day is not a given and you have to fight to have anywhere close to a normal day. A journey where sacrifices are given up daily in order to get better. A journey no one should endure yet thousands do every day.

The journey I speak of is cancer.

My journey has been a slow progressing one, yet somehow it has already been weeks since I knew something was wrong. I’ve told this story many, many times but it’s easier when I can just write it out with all the details. So, if you’ve already heard it or don’t want to cry (I’m talking to you, Nana and Meme), then skip it.

The end of September was approaching and I was being a 20-year-old college student not studying and worrying more about what I was going to eat and do. Out of complete anguish of not knowing what to eat, I reached up with my left hand and rested in on the back of my neck. I kept my hand there for a quick moment and then realized that I had a large bump under my ear. Looking in the mirror of my bathroom, I almost immediately knew what it was: mono. I had mono freshman year and it was absolutely horrendous. My freshman roommate at Jacksonville State, Caleb, can tell you just how painful and terrible it was… for him AND me. It was not a fun experience to say the least. So, when I knew this was going to be mono I started dreading the oncoming of sleepless nights, a cold-natured body, and an overall aching body.

            A few weeks after I thought it was mono, I decided to go ahead and get a mono spot test to confirm my suspicions, so I walked down to the student health building and signed my name on the list. They eventually called me back, took my vitals, and then gave me a finger prick for mono. Just as I had thought, the nurse told me it was mono. She started checking my spleen to see if it had been enlarged or anything was abnormal about it, and proceeded to tell me what I could and could not do for a number of weeks. She prescribed some steroids and cough medicine to get me through the mono.

            But this mono was different.

            This mono I felt fine. I had the bump on my neck weeks before I actually and truly knew it was mono, and I was playing basketball and ultimate Frisbee just being normal, yet nothing felt wrong. In my mind, I was thinking that this mono wouldn’t be as bad since it would be the second time I’d have it and I was correct. No sleepless nights and no cold-natured and aching body; I felt as good as I had ever been. I continued with school thinking the steroids would help and for a week or so they caused the mass in my neck to dwindle away but it returned again. I knew mono could last for weeks on end but at this point I knew this wasn’t traditional mono.

            One weekend, I was coming home to be able to work but I had been feeling bad the past couple of days for the first time in this whole ordeal, so I consulted with my mom and she could not get me in to see my doctor that Friday, so the next best option was to go the UAB Urgent Care Center. The good thing about the urgent care is that they were very fast in getting me back to see a nurse practitioner and getting tests done. I had never been there before, and like any other place that you’ve never been before, there is always paperwork involved. I felt like I was actually ‘adulting’ in a way (until the $30 copay came and my mom told me she would pay me back). Anyways, I got called back and they asked me why I came in, withdrew some blood, and put me in a room. After a while, I stuck my head out and asked why it was taking so long to see a doctor and she said she would be in my room in a few seconds, but surprisingly it was more like five minutes. Eventually she made her way into my room and got to talking with me about the mono and how long have I had it etc. Waiting on the bloodwork, this lady had the audacity to tell me that if my white blood cell count came back abnormally high that it could be lymphoma, but if they were regular then it’s just mono and it needs to run its course. This woman told me jokingly that I could have cancer without true answers and I didn’t know what to say or do to be honest. When she finally came back with the results she said my white blood counts were normal and I just needed to let mono run its course.

Next time I’ll just wait to see my actual doctor.

            A few weeks pass by and a disaster relief trip with the Baptist Campus Ministries with JSU is just a few days away and I am back in Jacksonville getting ready to head to Vidor, Texas to help rebuild people’s homes that were impacted by the floods. Everything was normal then. Actually, everything was normal through the entire first day and about halfway through the second day there. I was eating and sleeping fine, and I even had energy to do what I wanted, but midway through the second day I couldn’t finish the day. I got extremely tired extremely fast and ask my leader, Bill Morrison, if I could just take a nap in the back of the van instead. And so, I took a 4-hour nap that felt like 4 seconds in the back of a sketchy white van on a street I’d never been on with the doors unlocked (living life on the edge). When we returned to the base camp, I stood in line for 45 minutes to take a shower and then made my way back to my cot, and once I hit that cot I didn’t get out of it for probably 15 hours. I skipped dinner, worship, and work the next day, only because when I stood up I couldn’t see clearly. My head was spinning, I was light-headed, and I was either hot or cold every 10 minutes. I had to hold onto the wall just to make it to the bathroom, and as a matter of fact that was the only place I made it to just up until we left Texas a full day later. Let’s just say my first time to Texas was not fun by any means, but I definitely want to return because the food looked delicious.

            Luckily, Jacksonville is east of Birmingham, so our busses had to come through Birmingham (right off my exit on I-459) to make it back to Jacksonville. One of the luggage truck drivers offered to drop me off at my exit and meet my mom. I want to take a second and thank Mr. Fred C. for doing that, because there would have been no way I could have driven back from Jacksonville dizzy, lightheaded, and nauseated. Again, thank you Mr. Fred, you helped me out and I am extremely appreciative. After we all met at the Shell Station off I-459, my mom took me back home and was frantically calling to get me an appointment the next day, the day before Thanksgiving. My mom has superpowers because she did it, and I cannot even imagine if I had to wait weeks or months to get an appointment because I don’t know if we would have even caught the cancer.

            Wednesday rolls around, and we make our way up to Kirklin Clinic to see Dr. Bell. We had a little bit of a wait, but I did not mind since I was a work-in on a busy day before the holidays. Eventually, we get called back and get to see the doctor and I explained to him all that I just explained to you above. Something that I actually did not know was that is mono is actually bilateral, meaning that both sides of my neck needed to be enlarged for it to be mono. I had only noticed the mass on the left side of my neck, never on the right side. He talked to us about mono and how he thought there could be something more so he ordered blood work and an ultrasound be done to learn more about what was wrong.

            After getting the bloodwork and ultrasound done the week after thanksgiving, he called us after he had the results to say they looked abnormal. There was something at this point that I was actually worried that it was going to be lymphoma. All the side effects led to lymphoma and as much as I didn’t want it to be lymphoma, I couldn’t change what it was or what it is. After he told us they looked abnormal, he wanted to get a CT scan to see clearer into my body to maybe see whether he could determine from that. So, we get that done and he still can’t see what it is and with full certainty tell us what it is, but at this point he told us there is a possibility of having lymphoma.

            At this point in my journey, he referred us to see an ENT who looked at my neck and immediately wanted to get a biopsy done, but not just the needle biopsy, because those do not warrant enough tissue to test for lymphoma. He wanted the excisional biopsy. The excisional biopsies are basically cutting open your neck and taking enough tissue out to be tested all while you are still under anesthesia. I remind you that all of this is happening during school, and I don’t mind taking a few days off class, but this was going to be scheduled finals weeks so it worried me a little. We worked with the ENT to schedule the biopsy the day after my finals were scheduled to be over, so that week was probably going to be stressful. It took lots of ice cream and lots of Sour Patch watermelons to get me through that week.

            December 8^th has finally come and we finally get to have some solid answers for the first time in this entire journey. To be completely honest, I didn’t care what it was as long as I knew what it was. I just wanted to know what it was, because I couldn’t change whatever it ended up being. God’s will has always been completed in my life and in yours, and nothing is going to stop it from being fulfilled in the future. Answers were all I sought in this endeavor. I don’t remember much about this day because I spent most of it on drugs, and apparently, I really wanted to show off my goldfish to Anna and Tyler, but I was high so excuse me. I had to ask my dad probably 10 times what the diagnosis was but I think it finally went through when some of the drugs wore off that I had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I didn’t know what that meant at that time, but in the coming appointments of the next week I would know more than I ever wanted to know.

            From December 8^th on more appointments were scheduled. We got the ball rolling for chemotherapy and what else would needed to be done. In one week, I had numerous appointments: Monday I had a PET scan and a heart echo, Tuesday I had an internship interview, Wednesday I had the port placement surgery, Thursday I had an ENT appointment, and Friday I had a Pulmonary Function test and also met with my oncologist, Dr. Mehta, and that is when he told me my full diagnosis: Stage 3 Classical Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

            I started chemotherapy yesterday, January 3^rd, and will have chemo every other Wednesday (so Jan. 17^th, Jan. 31^st, etc.). The first chemo wasn’t as bad as I thought it would’ve been. The nurses are super nice and are comforting as well. They have warm blankets, sodas, snacks, candies, and anything else you could think of wanting when you sit down for 3 hours to receive treatment. Mine lasted about 4 hours but it didn’t feel like it with someone always talking with you and changing out treatments every so often. As long as the effects of chemo, such as nausea and vomiting, can stay away this journey will be no problem with God on my side. Anything is possible until you give up. Once you give up trying, you give up hope of anything extraordinary.

            It isn’t the diagnosis that I would’ve wanted, but it is the one God wanted, and that’s all that matters. Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. I can say pretty certainly that I haven’t really worried about any of this journey, nor am I worried about the future of my journey. I know it’s in the creator’s hands and not mine. I get the question “Why do you think this happened to you, Thomas?” and the first time someone asked me that question I didn’t really know what to respond with, so I stared blankly at the wall, but the more I thought about it I found my answer. I respond with “Because God knows I’m strong enough”. If this had been one of my sisters, Lord bless the nurses that took care of them because it would take 8 nurses just to get a needle into one of them. I’m sorry Anna but I’m talking about you. Lindsey could deal with some of this, but you? HAHAHA NOPE.

            God has known this was going to happen since the beginning of time. He knew I would be diagnosed with Stage 3 Classical Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He knows what’s going to happen. He knows everything and I barely know anything. But I’m okay with that.

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.